Today was an emotionally straining day. Before I tell you something sad, though, I'll tell you something happy.


This morning's class began with the teacher getting upset with me that I was erasing the blackboard of all its writing. What was on the board? Lessons from a previous, much more advanced, class that must meet after my kids' school day. I erase their lessons almost every morning. Today, though, I was erasing exercises which involved the older students changing an active sentence to a passive one, passive to present, etc. As I was erasing, the teacher came up saying "no, no, no!" I looked at her questioningly as she attempted to explain that she had wanted me to teach off of that. I asked her, "You want to teach these kids this?"She nodded yes, so I asked her 2 more times just to see if I was hearing her right. So...she wanted me to teach the difference between passive, active, and present tense to 4 and 5 year olds...who barely knew how to write their own names let alone form a sentence of any tense. Hm. The teacher seemed so adamant though, so I began teaching! The kids were all blank stares, of course. What I realized a couple seconds into the lesson, though, is the lesson was not for the kids. This teacher had placed herself in a desk next to the children and was glued to my every word. As I would speak the words, during the entire lesson she would slightly nod her head and lightly whisper the words I was saying to herself. When I asked the students to repeat things like, "played - passive, playing - active" she was be the loudest voice in the crowd. As she was so heavily involved in the lesson, it was such a funny sight when I turned to write words on the board I had to release the silent laughs that were being choked down by my conscience. Maybe you had to be there, but even thinking of that image makes me laugh to myself. I'll never forget how concentrated she was on every word and how blank the kids' stares were that lesson. 


As for the emotional distress of the day - it started at lunchtime when the parent of a child came down to the schoolyard to talk to the teachers. Her son was afraid to go to school because every day he was being bullied by a specific student. A couple of other kids, hearing this, piped up saying they were getting kicked or slapped by this same student. This bully, named Nasi, was called over by the teacher from my class. He was taken into the lunchroom alone with this teacher. I was standing right there as I heard her beat him with a stick as he was yelping and crying out in pain. The mother that had come to the schoolyard was satisfied by this. Nasi stumbled out of the lunchroom crying and crying and ran away from the teacher as soon as he was let go. Usually for things that hurt others we just wince at the thought of their pain, but this was an ongoing pain that I felt for this boy. Yeah, he's a bully and he shouldn't hit or kick others, but is hitting him going to teach him not to hit others? I've never in my life heard a child react to that treatment thanks to my perfect and sheltered upbringing, but hearing it for the first time was agonizing. Yesterday no porridge, today child abuse. The compilation of those two emotional endeavors was too much for me to handle. I asked the teachers if there was any other way to punish children that didn't involve hurting them, but they just laughed at my reaction saying this is how it is. Children misbehave they get hit with a stick. It is just an accepted part of their culture. I got home extremely upset and had to attempt to calm down. The more reality of these children's lives hits me, the harder it is to bear. 


Following school, what better than visiting an orphanage to top my emotional distress? I will admit, it was a much more joyful experience than the other reason for my being upset. At an orphanage you feel a strange mixture of joy and sorrow. The kids are so happy and they emit so much love and soak up all the love that you can afford to give it is such a humbling experience. You really are so happy to be around this, and you can't help but smile and smile, even if it is just to give the kids something to hold onto. You hug, hold hands, just physically contact these kids as much as possible because they are so in need of it. Simultaneously, though, deep inside you feel the greatest sorrow for the fact that they have nothing, not even a family. Their parents, somewhere out there, abandoned them and they might not even understand why yet and blame themselves. They have traumatic dreams that make them wet the bed and then the mattress rots but there's not enough money to buy a new one. They cook out of a brick and tarp shack, attempting to feed 40 hungry mouths. They sleep 3 to a bed even if they are older teenagers. Suffice it to say, it wasn't an easy visit. It was so worth it and I loved every moment, but it makes me hurt inside to see. I guess everything that happened today created a terrible concoction of emotions that I don't know how to handle. I hope reality is done slapping me in the face because this is too much already. 


To end on a happier note, the man who runs this orphanage, Rosmin, is probably the most humble and amazing person I have met. He started it with his wife on their own, and when people saw that he started taking in street kids they would drop kids off at his doorstep and he hasn't ever turned one away. Anyways, he has a particular liking for me because I interact with the kids really well and he was asking when I would be back. As I was explaining to him that I'm leaving Saturday he got very sad, but then another volunteer explained it was because I'm getting married. He just laughed and laughed at that, and looked at me to break out the "just kidding!" or something. When I said I was serious he exclaimed, "but you're too young!" and I said "I'm 22!" His face was shocked for a second and then he shook his head saying, "I thought you were 12!" I really think he did because it wasn't a sarcastic comment, genuine at its best. 


I know tomorrow will be a better day. The kids are getting corn and rice for lunch and I'm bringing my camera, which they love. I will make sure to post them tomorrow! I love you all! See you soon.

This is Rosmin

A picture following the "funny" one